Listen to Your Fear

You know that fear you have, that maybe when you peek down that dim stairwell, someone will be lurking there in the dark?

Oh, yeah ... that just happened to me.

Yep, I was taking the stairs down to the basement at work - as you know, I like to walk an extra set of stairs when I get up to use the restroom, and I go to the basement because it's quiet and I can walk quickly without anyone getting in my way . As I started walking down, I glanced downward and saw movement - then someone's bare feet as they tried to hid themselves in the shadows of the stairwell. Um, no thanks. I quickly did an about-face and hustled back to my office where I promptly called the police. They had a 3-man search team in here in just a few minutes flat and found nothing - guess whomever it was got their shoes on quick and got out of there.

Ironically, we had just spent this morning in security training, so I knew exactly what to do: trust my instincts, get away, and call security.

I hate to think why someone might have been hiding down there. It's cold out, so it could certainly be someone trying to get warm. On the opposite extreme, it could be someone who knows a few women like walking down there and usually no one else is around. Probably not, but you never know.

Just want to say to all my female friends and readers - don't be ashamed to be cautious or report something that feels fishy. It does not mean we are unempowered or weak if we run away from something that feels dangerous. The officer today pointed out that our hunches and gut feelings are there to keep us safe - use them! Also, if you haven't, do this - you'll feel so much more empowered and strong, I promise.

A Lonely Planet

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I have a friend who was selected for an awesome fellowship job working with schools in India! I am so excited for her - and maybe a teensy bit jealous. Not surprisingly, she felt some ....reluctance.... from her family. A young woman travelling alone in India? Is that safe??

I talked about travelling to "safe/unsafe" places in this post, but I think there are certain considerations solo women travelers need to make in addition to the general, "everybody take care" kind of advice.

First off, I've notice that some people (mostly men) have been confused about this topic - why should traveling - or life in general - require more precautions from women then men? I think it's hard for men to conceptualize some of the things that women face daily - and may take for granted. I, for one, won't park next to windowless vans, keep my cell phone in one hand and my keys in another when I'm walking alone, always check the back seat of my car, etc. When I told The Boy all of this, he was floored. Little boys are (often) raised with a more laissez-faire, "the world is your oyster" mentality. They go out and do crazy things and get bruised and everyone shakes their heads and says "that's a boy for you." On the other hand, girls are taught early on that the world is dangerous to them - and it is. In most places, women are more likely to be victims of sexual assault, rape, and domestic violence. The world is not yet an equal place, and even developed-world women need to take care. Travelling doesn't necessarily make women more likely to be victimized, but it should inspire caution.

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That being said, in my experience, travelling alone can be amazing - and very safe. There's no thrill quite like stepping off a plane and finding that you can be anyone and do nearly anything you might want. The limitations of your day-to-day life - job responsibilities, family expectations - stay on the tarmac as you venture out into a new cosmos of possibilities. I think every woman should do some travelling on her own, even just to say "I did it." So here are my top tips for solo travelling for the ladies:

-Be conspicuous. The single most exhilarating and frightening thing about traveling alone is the fact that you no one knows what you are doing or where you are. Sure, it's great to decide to get up early to watch the sunrise at Hampi or spend a day in front of your favorite painting at the Louvre without anyone complaining. But the flip side is that if no one knows where you are, there's no way to know if you're missing. So make yourself, and the basics of your plans, known to someone: leave an itinerary at home and check in routinely with a friend or family member, be friendly with the hotel staff and let them know when you plan to be back, learn your neighbors' names and wave when you get home. When you're out exploring, be visible as well - chat with people, make eye contact (if that's acceptable in the local culture), - whatever you need to do to draw just enough attention so that if something happened, people would notice.

-Don't draw the wrong kind of attention. Being visible and conspicuous is helpful - to a limit. Regardless of whether it's right or wrong, wearing revealing clothes, being overly friendly with men or ignoring local cultural conventions makes women all the more likely to experience some kind of negative situation. In many cultures, including the US, women who are seen to be "asking for it" won't get a lot of help in a sticky situation. Sucks, but it's true.

-Stay with the group. Go places where other women go and avoid areas where you don't see women at all. There may be a cultural norm you're not aware of that causes some segregation between the sexes. You don't want to step over those lines if you can help it. 

-Keep your purse safe. If you carry one, it's probably just natural for you to sling it around, set it under tables and rummage through it on the bus. In a lot of countries, pickpockets see this behavior as an invitation to rob you. Get a purse like this with security features, or at least with a zip closure. Cross-body bags are harder to swipe from your hands -- just make when you're walking on the sidewalk that your bag is away from traffic. Thieves drive cars and ride in rickshaws, too. Always keep copies of your travel papers - passport, credit cards, visas - in your hotel or apartment, in case all fails and you do get robbed.

-Be aware of cultural stereotypes. This one is tricky. You want to make friends in a foreign culture, even have a little ... romance? But the trouble is, just as you may assume all Italian men are Romeos or all French girls love to shop, folks may assume certain things about you that are equally untrue. In a lot of countries (big breasted, blonde) American girls are thought to be easy - just think about the American TV and movies they get to see. This may very well color the ways both men and women treat you. I found this to be particularly true in India - men were overly friendly and optimistic, and women just gave me the stink-eye. 

- Embrace the experience. You're away on your own for a reason. Take time to enjoy being alone and do things that push you. Don't be afraid to eat out at a restaurant alone - with or without a book! Whatever you can't do at home, see if just maybe you could here... remember, as my Dad always said, you won't see anyone you know!

Travel well, friends.

E.

Are You Afraid?

Of this scary movie we watched last night? Yes.

Of traveling to most places? Definitely, no.

I read this article in the Sunday NY Times (no, I'm not a total snob but my Mom orders the Sunday issue and I couldn't resist the Travel section) about traveling in Tunisia after the Arab Spring revolution.  

Tunisia, from here

The author reported that locals, though energized by the success of the revolution, are now facing huge financial difficulties as tourists, nervous about safety in the region, have abandoned the hotels, resorts and historical sights of the country.

My Dad mentioned a similar thing the other day - he said he truly regretted not hoping on a plane to Egypt after the revolts there. Can you imagine being one of only a handful of tourists at the pyramids or the Sphinx at that time? Amazing.

These kids had the run of the place at Giza last May, here

I got the same question over and over again when I traveled to India: aren't you scared? No, not really - and for good reason. In most cases, places where things are a little less certain and a tad bit dicey are the places that appreciate tourists the most. None of that French disdain for les touristes - nu huh. Out in the more remote areas of India, Peru and Nepal, where foreign faces were few and far between, I found the best service and the most visible security. Just remember this - members of these community have too much to lose from a drop in tourism to be careless about safety. And wouldn't you like to think your tourist dollars could go to support fledgling democracies and developing economies? I would!

But that doesn't mean that there aren't places I wouldn't go, or that I don't take precautions in the places I do visit. Any place with widespread, unconfined violence is not a place on my list (Somalia, Sudan, Afghanistan, etc.) I would also avoid places that are extremely politically anti-US (North Korea, Iran). You have to flash your passport all the time - why do it in a place that will cause you uneasiness? Finally, I will always avoid traveling alone in countries where being a woman alone is not recommended. Adventurous Kate wrote a great post about travelling in Jordan as a solo female, but much of the Middle East and Africa is on my "not-alone" list.

There are plenty of ways to mediate danger in places on your "maybe" list.  Here are just a few:

• Travel with a guide. In lots of developing countries, it's extremely affordable to hire a guide or driver. We did this in India, Peru, Nepal - and I joined a tour in China. It's a great way to have an added layer of protection and get a better insight into the culture by getting to know a local!

• Invest in products that help keep your belongings safe - you'll feel a lot more secure if you aren't constantly checking your pockets or carrying your backpack in front of you like a dork. See my favorite travel product post, to come ;)

• Learn a bit of the local language. When vendors or beggars got a little too aggressive in India, it was surprisingly helpful to tell them to "Stop! Go Away" in Hindi. Mostly, they laughed but it broke the tension and made them realize I knew (somewhat) what I was doing.

The guys at my favorite neighborhood restaurant in Bangalore helped me out when I was followed by a creeper... lesson learned - know the neighbors!

• Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong - that guy has been walking behind you for too long or the taxi driver is taking a route you don't recognize - take action. Stop into a cafe and ask for help, or get out of the cab and hail another. You might feel silly, but that's a whole lot better than getting hurt.

On my list of "iffy" places I'd like to go? Definitely Tunisia after reading all about the Art Deco architecture of Ribat and the Lezard Rouge luxury train. Cambodia and the Philippines are also places with travel warnings that I'd still visit, if I could!

Remember to check out the US State Dept and the UK's Foreign Secretary pages for all warnings. Many mention only a small part of the country and not the whole place - so read carefully!

Where would you go that's thought of as "scary"?