Anything for Love

***Before you read this post, I suggest you switch your Pandora station to Meatloaf and crank "I Would Do Anything For Love." Now continue reading...

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While many of us have been focused on the right to marry here in the U.S. since President Obama made his landmark remarks in support of gay marriage, a group of Indians having been fighting age-old prejudice and cultural mores to help young people marry for love in their country. Despite rapid modernization in the country, arranged marriages are still the prevalent form of marriage in India. Furthermore, traditional families will only consider individuals from similar castes, or class groups that share traditions, economic status and even dialect, as potential spouses for their children.
I have mixed feelings about arranged marriage - I've known people who've had successful and unsuccessful arranged marriages - as well as successful and unsuccessful love marriages. I do believe there is something to be said for the wisdom of parents and grandparents choosing a mate based on compatibility that allows for passion to grow later on. In some ways, it's a beautiful tradition that has been corrupted by reality: not every family can find a good or kind partner for their child and not every child is willing to sacrifice their choice of partner for their parents'.

In extreme cases, which are still disturbingly common, young adults - mostly women - who have committed to a relationship or marriage outside of their caste are murdered by family and community in an attempt to restore the family's honor. Knowing this, young people who want to marry for love may fear for their lives and seek assistance in convincing their parents to consent - or running away.

That's where the Love Commandos come in. As their website states, the three commandos - business men who aid both Muslin and Hindu youngsters- are "dedicated to helping India's lovebirds who want to marry for love."
Their cause is not easy, safe, or even cheap - operational costs are up to $5,000 a month to provide transportation, shelter and legal services to young couples. But they are committed to their cause - helping eradicate the bindings and social divisions of caste by supporting inter-caste marriage.
How about that, a happy news story!

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For more info, check out this BBC article on the Commandos. Donations are accepted on the Love Commandos website.

A Quick Complaint...

What is this, 1942? From here.

 I know it's the season of hope, happiness and ho-ho-ho. But I have a complaint to make. And I'll just say it upfront so those of you not interested can just turn away- it's about sexism

... and well intentioned people who make carelessly sexist remarks.

Case in point: this conversation that happens to me with surprising regularity.

Me: something something something "my boyfriend" something something...

Other: Oooh, a boyfriend, eh? What does he do?

Me: He's getting a PhD in Engineering.

Other: OOOOOOoooooHHHHhhhh. You should totally marry him.

Me: ...............ok, thanks.
 Now to be honest, I normally giggle and play along. Because I get what they're saying. He's preparing for the type of career that is, in general, dependable and well-paying. And that's a nice quality to have in a husband. But when I get to thinking about it, saying that to people, and even worse, thinking it, is a terrible habit to be in. Here's why:

1.Yes, The Boy has a million and one qualities that make him ideal husband material - he's generous and kind, loyal, very funny, and pretty darn cute to boot. But misguided speaker above has no idea of that - he could just as easily be a stingy, mean, shifty, daft, ugly bloke. Who hits me. Or leaves toenail clippings around the apartment. Or hates cats. (Just to be clear, he does none of these). So I'm being encouraged to marry someone, for no other earthly reason than the fact that he may possibly have a well-paying job sometime in the future? Gee, why not just sell me down the road for a couple of goats and call it even?

Clearly... from here.

2. And what about me? Sure, my current job isn't anything fabulous but I do make enough to pay my own rent, bills, and buy Christmas gifts. For most people, that's doing extremely well - and I'm only 25, with a college degree and work experience, so the chances of my lot improving are good. So what do I need to marry him for? Companionship, love, sure. But economics? Mmmm, not really. 

3. What about him? If I were a modern, caring, sensible guy I'd be a little peeved to hear people tell my girlfriend to marry me, based solely on my future career prospects. Don't guys deserve to be loved for their good qualities, just as much as girls deserve to marry for love? I think that's pretty much the basis for equality between the sexes, when it comes down to it.

I don't normally go off on feminist rantings on a day to day basis. In general, I'm pretty optimistic about gender equality.  But as any romcom can tell you, marrying for money is not a good idea. And encouraging young women to do so, and in turn devaluing their own economic and social worth, is hazardous not only to them, but to society as a whole.

So people, I'll leave you with the immortal wisdom of Destiny's Child: Independent Women

Rock on, sisters!