Revenge Raps

Radio radio, via Pinterest.

Who say's NPR is not cool? Ok, I admit, I used to. But ever since I started driving a total of 6 hours every other weekend to see The Boy, their audio content has become more and more enjoyable to me. And they actually have some really funny shit too.

Saturday, The Boy and I were listing to Wiretap on the way home from a movie (Mission Impossible 4- go see it!) And it was so entertaining that we stayed in the car, engine running, for a good 5 minutes to hear the rest of the segment.

The topic initially was time -- and the extreme efforts some individuals take to avoid feeling as if they are wasting it (eating breakfast while on the toilet was one clever yet disgusting example.)

A man (in fact, the very one who once ate breakfast daily on the john) described his epiphany that really nothing is a waste of time -- mundane moments are the essence of life and should be savored. But, he added, there is one caveat; one true waste of time --- fretting, mulling and obsessing over past wrongs done to you.

I know the feeling. Sometimes, when I'm bored or grumpy, I enjoy a little pointless tantrum against past foes -- I let the anger well up inside me, I relive the moment (or moments) of conflict, and imagine a final, grand confrontation in which I come away as the clear and honorable victor and my enemy slinks away, shamed and shunned by all. For most of us, this is a fantasy. But according to this program, there is a solution to those pointless thoughts .....

And it's this man:

The "master," who looking more like Elton John than Lil' Jon...

This is Rap Master Maurice, herald of the made-to-order revenge rap. Yes, you read that right. You can call up this man, tell him your troubles, and he will take all your pain, frustration, and interesting details and write a rap. And not only will he write it, he will call up your enemy and perform it for them - over the phone.

That teacher that insulted you in school? Rap 'em. The butcher that got your order wrong? Rap 'em. The frenemy who needs an attitude adjustment? Rap 'em!! (And if you need samples of what these would sound like, check out his site)

And the best part? Lasting, satisfying revenge only sets you back $17 bucks.

I can think of a few people who may be getting a call one of these days...