Add to GoogleReader

Add to Google Reader or Homepage


Marriage Bashing

I wanted to talk today about a phenomenon I've been facing since getting married. It's snark, major snark - and it's bugging me.Take this scenario. We're back from our holiday break. A colleague comes up to me and asks how my first married Christmas was. I reply that it was great and we had a nice time. Her response? "Well, it all goes downhill from here."


Let me just say that I can take a little snark. I can dish it out too. But this is not the first person who's said something along the lines of "Hey welcome to the married club. Your life is going to go to shit in 3...2....1.."

What's up with that? And let me reiterate, this has been 100% from married people. Not divorcees, not single people -- other marrieds.

Now, I'm not totally naive. I know marriages are hard work, I know committing to a lifetime with ONE person is an immense promise that brings with it all kinds of heartache and challenges. What gets me though, is seeing someone take that leap, aspiring to greatness with another person, your response is snark? "Good luck" with a saucy eye-roll? Isn't it enough to know that there are challenges ahead for a person without laying out the pitfalls one by one?

To be fair, I've been super lucky to have friends, family and co-workers who have had a lot of really inspirational and positive stories about marriage. I know they support my marriage and would do anything to help Matt and me out. The people I'm talking about are, strangely, mostly acquaintances. People who I might discuss the status of the weather with find that disparaging remarks on the future of my marriage are appropriate inter-hallway comments. I find that really strange from a culture that often promotes a wedding as the only acceptable "happy ending" to a tale.

I can't help but wonder how this phenomenon of public marriage bashing got started. Sure, almost 50% of marriages end in divorce and plenty of other go through rough times. But to me that suggests that we should encourage married people - not bash them. Whatever the anthropological reasons, I'm going to find a way to move past it and to project love and happiness because I do believe in marriage - especially mine.


  1. It is kind of sad, isn't it. Do remind yourself that this person (or persons) probably has either gone through or is going through a bad relationship... and/or has low self esteem. Some people project unhappiness. And I don't think you would be wrong to put her in her place - the problem with our society is to be so PC now and not express our feelings or rock the boat but this has left many people with no filter because they don't fear getting called out for it. Since she's just an acquaintance, I'd go ahead and let her know (if that ever comes up again) that you don't appreciate her comments.

    Don't let the haters get you down. You've got so many people in this world that knows how real your love is and those are people whose opinions matter.

    Sending love your way. :)

  2. Aww, thanks girl! I don't feel so much upset as just totally bewildered about how this is a "thing." I must have had 4 or 5 different people do this. So strange. Having happy friends like you makes it all better, though :)

  3. Haters hate, players play! You chose a great partner in life, Em, and you both work/play hard to make it great. Much love you to you!

  4. That's when you say, "I'm sorry to hear you have a shitty marriage'" - it happens with all milestones and it's super annoying. Bottom line, people are strange. I agree with littleoakcreations - people have no filters because they can't imagine someone standing up and saying anything. I had a guy ask me to sit with him for coffee one morning. I politely said, "Thanks, I'm married." - I really didn't know what else to say. His response was, "Yeah but that doesn't mean you're happily married." Really? WTF. Having kids gives you the same scenario ... my favorite? "I'm sorry." as if I just lost my life. Humf, see - now I'm just mad. Don't stand for it Em! Next one to say something along those lines give them the "who farted" face and say "Sorry your life is so shitty."

    1. Wow, that is craz-ay! But you're absolutely right - I'm getting my response ready ;)

  5. In my experience (married 13 years), while there can be rough patches, marriage generally gets BETTER with time. As long as you bother to put in some effort, work out your problems, and spend time together, it's great!
    Jessica is right - it happens with ALL milestones - I've gotten it with graduations, marriage, new jobs, kids (first & second, boy & girl), new house. Misery loves company, I guess.
    I love your positive attitude!

    1. It's Selah!! So glad you're still here, even though I've been a terrible blogger. Love your style blog - I'll be following along!

    2. Well, you've been busy! No worries. I'm honored to have you for a follower. :)

  6. I know what you mean. It's disheartening when people think that whatever happened to them will happen to you as well. Marriage, especially, is such a sacred topic, and to bash it so suddenly just because they had it bad is so undeniably rude. Do not compare yourself, nor your husband to them. You are better off shaking those discouraging thoughts off. Focus on your marriage, that's the way to a happy ending. Thanks for sharing that! All the best! :)

    Joseph Ramsey


Have a thought? Share with the class!