How to Have the Best Weekend EVER

This is a step-by-step guide on how to have The Best Weekend EVER.
Pay close attention, as this is a multi-decade process . . .



1. At an early age, begin collecting a varied assortment of fascinating, fun and intelligent female friends. Continue, without stopping, into adulthood.
Illustration: At one (drunken) point in said weekend, I recall saying that I was like a serial killer in that I collected women. The one difference being that I made them my friends, rather than wearing them as skin suits.

2. Particularly, make friends with at least one insanely talented planner. She should have mad research skills and an endless sense of duty to find the best attractions a city has to offer. Bonus points if she is incredibly organized, diplomatic and wears cute clothes. Give her full reign to surprise and delight you.

3. Meet and accept a proposal of marriage from the man of your dreams.

4. Attend a bachelorette party in your own honor, thrown and attended by your very best girlfriends who join you in singing terrible karaoke, eating and drinking with aplomb, and totally taking over one of the major US cities. Allow them to positively spoil you with gifts and attention, and bask in the glow of SO MUCH LOVE.

5. Collapse in happy exhaustion, reveling in the fact that you just had The Best Weekend EVER.
Note: It may take you up to a week to fully recover. This is totally normal side effect of TBW EVER.