|Yes, Andy, you can do my taxes... here|
Yesterday, for the first time ever, I did my own taxes. Yes, it was stressful and tedious, but you know what? It was also kind of empowering. Every once in a while, I'll do something and think, "Wow, I really am a grown-up now!" My friend just had a similar revelation when she bought a mattress - I remember feeling that way when I bought my first new, big piece of furniture ... isn't it weird what does it for us? Birthdays may come and go and you don't feel any different - but come tax day, you're suddenly a capable, responsible adult - how did that happen?!
It just goes to show that the whole concept of "grown up" is pretty convoluted. Especially since I celebrated doing my taxes by slightly over-serving myself on rum and watching ABC family.... not quite as mature.
I think us twenty-somethings struggle with what it means to be twenty-something - we're in a kind of late-late adolescence or an early-early adulthood, where we're mostly adult (we pay rent, have jobs, etc.) but still feel young (maybe we party too much, or our parents help with expenses or we have NO IDEA what we're doing with our lives). We're all looking at each other for cues on what we should be doing, but we're all over the map on where we are on some cultural scale of immature punk to dignified adult.
But the scary - or liberating, if you prefer - thought keeps trickling into my brain ... maybe there is no "grown up". This may be it, folks. I mean, take a look at your parents. As you've gotten older, have you started to realize that maybe they aren't all powerful and all-knowing, that they have flaws and insecurities and panics just like we do? They certainly have more knowledge and life experience that is incredibly valuable -- but they struggle with the same things we do from time to time.
I think I'm starting to let go of the idea that one day I'll wake up and just "get it" -- what I'm supposed to do and be and know. It'll be a process, and I'll fail, and grow, and regress. And watch television geared toward teenagers. It's a process.
But at least I'll know that come tax day, I'm a Boss.
What makes you feel grown-up?